Archive for the ‘British History’ Tag

Michael Gove And The First World War – A Singalong

Joyce Grenfell 2“Hello Children…


Can we settle down now please?  Come along…

That’s it – Shane, Wayne, Duane… Jordan, George…George?!

Er… Kai, Sky – and that means you as well… Samsung and Nokia… good…

Now children this morning in assembly we’re going to sing a song for that terribly nice Mr Gove…

Don’t worry dear… you’ll know the tune as Michael Row The Boat Ashore

No you can’t go to the toilet yet…

Right… altogether now…”

Poppies red

All follow the bouncing ball… 

Michael Gove on the first world war, Hallelujah
Children’s understanding rotten to the core, Hallelujah

Left-wing bolshies fudge the key details, Hallelujah
Lions led by donkeys is the lie they hail, Hallelujah

The education gap is deep and wide, Hallelujah
Too many chavs upon the other side, Hallelujah

Paxman sounds a trumpet and stuck in his oar, Hallelujah
But Michael says mixed metaphors don’t win a war, Hallelujah

Michael’s busy writing the Establishment’s note, Hallelujah
Designed to keep the Victorian era afloat, Hallelujah

The opposition claim Gove’s an educational bore, Hallelujah
Got to keep grades up or you’ll be shown the door, Hallelujah

Baldrick has a cunning plan to see, Hallelujah
But Michael says the details don’t scan for you and me, Hallelujah

Michael Gove on the first world war, Hallelujah
Playing fast and loose with the needs of the poor, Hallelujah

Michael Gove on the first world war, HallelujahWW1 Trenches

Revising history’s a duty but never a chore, Hallelujah 



The Doctor Will See You Now…

stanley_meets_livingstone“Dr Livingstone I presume?”


“Great heaven’s man… where the hell have you been?!  A short sabbatical your receptionist said… just popped over to the Dark Continent… save a few souls amongst the natives and he’ll be back for the winter rush of consumption she said… have you any idea how hard it’s been finding you since that accursed woman insisted I needed your signature on my repeat prescription for Boots the Chemist?!”

No More Hair Hitler…

Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain - Heston Airfield 30 Sept 1938

Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain – Heston Aerodrome – 30 Sept 1938

“Gentlemen… This morning I had another talk with the German Chancellor, Herr Hitler, and here is the paper which bears his name upon it as well as mine.  After much tortuous negotiation we are agreed… I officially have the top Mo for last Movember.  This represents a triumph of tenacious diplomacy, common sense and of the stiff upper-lip of the British people.  Some of you, perhaps, have already heard what it contains but I would just like to read it to you…”

‘We, the German Führer and Chancellor, and the British Prime Minister, have had a further meeting today and are agreed.

‘We regard the agreement signed last night and the Anglo-German naval agreement as symbolic of the desire of our two peoples never to go to war with one another on issues of facial hair again.

‘We are resolved that the method of hirsute consultation shall be the method adopted to deal with any other questions that may concern our two countries and we are determined to continue our efforts to remove possible sources of difference and thus to contribute to assure the peace of Europe.  Although I must inform you that this does not stretch to mutual tolerance of the Mexican revolutionary Bandido; the inscrutable Chinese Fu Manchu; the foppish dilettantism of the American jazz Pencil; nor the Russian Bolshevik style – a point somewhat emphatically stressed by Herr Hitler: the Kaiser was not up for negotiation.’

Kiss Me Hardy…

The Death Of Lord Nelson by Benjamin West

The Death Of Lord Nelson by Benjamin West

“May the Lord God curse you Hardy for taking advantage of my current state of infirmity… I’ve told you before Sah… No Tongues!  No Tongues!”

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