Archive for the ‘Shopping’ Tag
IT’S A WEATHER STATION ON YOUR WRIST!
The FIRCONESMART WATCH (MARK ONE)™ ©
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Benefit from two thousand years of folk wisdom!
Throw that rotten Apple away!
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“THIS IS THE PERFECT ACCOMPANIMENT TO THE EMPEROR’S NEW CLOTHES I’VE RECENTLY PURCHASED.”
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The new FIRCONESMART WATCH™ © from Whatever the Weather – ONLY £59.99!
“Did you know that this one’s part of our three-for-two offers sir?”
“If you want the extra one free I could get one of my colleagues to fetch it while I scan the rest of your shopping?”
“I understand that you only want the two but I’m afraid it’s not on buy-one-get-one-free this week.”
“Thanks Maria … there we are sir… your three-for-two…”
“Yes – that is a double points voucher you have; I can see that but as I say – you can’t use it in conjunction with this offer.”
“Let me check that for you… let me see now; yes, you’re right – you have one more use of this voucher available before the end of June.”
“That’s true… leaving out the three-for-two offer you could get double points on the rest of your shopping – normally”
“But unfortunately it’s not possible to do that today sir.”
“Why? Well… because today is a special points event.”
“Yes that’s right – Today is special points day…”
“You’ll only get special points if you spend a certain amount – but no; you can’t double them with the voucher to put on your Clubcard.”
“On special points day you’ll get quadruple points – so it’s worth doing… ”
“That’s it twenty-five pounds in one shop to qualify sir.”
“That’s right – we have special points day on the last day of every month.”
“Sorry sir – on special points day you’ll only get regular points on your items if you don’t spend twenty-five pounds in one shop.”
“That’s twenty-four pounds and ninety-seven pence please sir…”
“I beg your pardon?!”
“Sorry sir… I don’t think that I could insert the club card there as I’m pretty sure it would invalidate the magnetic strip…. Here you are – your change, your receipt, your double points voucher returned and your Clubcard… and I don’t think it would be a comfortable fit there either sir! Quite apart from the fact that it would make all your data irretrievable. I can assure you that if I could manage to push it right up where you suggest I would be a gymnast and in with a chance with that gorgeous Louis Smith – not working here on this checkout talking to you. You might consider it acceptable to lose it all together sir but…. And you sir – have a good day…
Bleep… Bleep… Bleep… Bleep…
“Good Morning Madam – did you know you can get three-for-two on this item in our special offers today?
“That’s correct madam – it’s also special points promotion day.”
“I know – it’s unbelievable that it’s the first of July tomorrow…. where has half the summer gone already?! And the weather’s been awful. Yes I know… it’ll soon be Christmas!”