Mavis And Ted *5*

Mavis & Ted

Magnum Force…


“Good grief Ted!”

“What?  What’s up?!”

You… have you finished that ice cream you bought already!?”

“Yeh… well?”

“You’ll have indigestion again you greedy guts and you know who’ll be kept awake all night don’t you?  I’ve barely had the chance to lick me cornet!”

“Er, sorry Mavis, but you know I always eat quickly when I’m stressed.”

“The sky’s blue, the sea’s calm and we’re havin’ a luvly time watchin’ the world go by… so what on earth would you be stressed about?”

“It was the guy in the ice cream van…”

“You got your ice cream alright, didn’t ya?”


“What was it?”

“A Magnum.”

“Your favourite… so I don’t see…”

“Well, when I asked the guy in the van for it he goes to me… ‘Do you feel lucky punk?  Do you?’  I said at my age I’m lucky to feel anything…”

“Then what’d say?”

“He then says… ‘How old are you granddad?’”

“What did you say Ted?”

“Seventy-three!  What do you think I said!”

“No need to take it out on me!”

“Sorry gal… I’m a bit upset… see – I’m tremblin’…”

“So you are Ted… then what did he say?”

“He goes… ‘1973 – that’s the year when the film came out so you are lucky – you punk.’”

“What’d he mean by that?”

“Well, he goes on to tell me he’s a big Clint Eastwood fan and he watches all his movies on his i-pad apple thingy in the cab between being disturbed at the best bits by havin’ to serve old gits like me with no teeth – ice-cream!”

“I tells him… I’m no ruddy punk and he says…”

“What’d he say?!”

“Only that I looks more like Clyde the ruddy gorilla in Every which way but loose – cheeky young sod!”

“Too right Ted – If me memory ain’t playin’ tricks though, it was of them Orang-utans…”

“Does it matter?!”

“Sorry, what’d you do Ted?”

“I says – I may be old but I’m mainly good… but I can be bad so you’d better watch out!  Then I says… sometimes it’s been known for me to be downright ugly!”

“Ooh, what’d he say to that?”

“Not a lot… by then I’d tipped his rack of cornets any which way I could, squirted his raspberry juice on his Bronco Billy and shoved some of his 99 flakes right up his Eiger Sanction!”

“Oooooh Ted!  Play misty for me tonight?!”

“Only if me indigestion ain’t playin’ up.  Yer right, I did put that Magnum down me throat with too much force…”






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