Kim Jong-Un’s Postcard From Pyongyang

Pyongyang at Night

A postcard from…

Greetings from state-sponsored revelry of night-time Pyongyang!  Groovy lights like beneficent smile of incomparable leader shining path to ultimate victory!  Grovel degenerate western scum and jealous manoeuvring of South Korean imperialism!

Downtown great leader relax after hard day purge and promulgation of glorious revolution.  People gather see bright light because no have at home.  Everyone good time.  I order!  Strict rota enjoyment… Ha! Ha!

"You wait until see me in my speedos!"

“Patience hot babe of revolution… You wait until see me in my speedos!”

We have curfew.  Clean.  Pyongyang – no immoral.  No drug; no lady make you last long time like dirty street USA.  No mug people… no worth steal.  Only by police and army!  You no laugh?!  I funny man.  All citizen split side at my joke.  But you no laugh at me!  Or split head…

I have popular cockertail sell in swinging club.  It call The Jong-Un in celebration of luck of people North Korea.  You drink up… like slap you round face then nuclear explosion in belly.  Taste good like earth of glorious homeland that citizen eat in state holiday camp.

"Man hug with honourable friend Rodman.  No funny business here!   Only South Korea!"

“Man hug with honourable friend Rodman. No funny business here… Only South Korea!”

Also have cockertail call – The Rodman.  He good friend of people.  We basketball; dance together.  He teach me move in disco.  I clear dance floor.  I so good.  I shake not inconsiderable booty to North Korean techno. Wave glow stick in dark like victim of nuclear programme.  I handsome magnet for politically correct babes of revolution.  No decadent!  No hot pant cheeky!  Good girl only!  Do as I say…

Life hard for dictator.  People no realise.  Adolf Hitler had easy – only lift arm up like girl… I have to wave to masses.  Take ages march by.  Rodman teach me fit so arm not fall off.  I go now – they play my song again… And babes queue for next groovy dance!  I exhaust!

With wishes for gloriouKim Jong Uns revolutionary fervour,

Kim Jong-Un

…Pyongyang

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