Candice & Tegan


Candice:  “And I’m like – I says to her… I like him: I mean, I really like him… I like him a lot – but I’m like… I just don’t like him in that way – I just like him… and do you know what?”

Tegan:  “Wot?”

Candice:  “That bitch looked straight through me like I was stupid – or summat.  I’m like Duuh!  And also I’m like as well – how dare you!  What are you inferrin’ – lookin’ at me like that?”

Tegan:  “Silly cow obviously doesn’t understand plain English!”

Candice:  “I know!  I mean I’m not bein’ funny or anythin’ but I’m like… I am so going to slap you if you don’t go in a minute bitch!”

Tegan:   “You didn’t?  Did you?!”

Candice:  “Well… she’s just stood standin’ in front of me with that gormless look on ‘er face and I’ve like flipped… I’m just so ballistic… I’m like so red in the face – I swear I must have looked like I’ve put blusher on like I’ve had a fit or summat?”

Tegan:  “I so wish I’d been there to see it…”


Tegan:   “I’d have so loved to see you put your handprint on that face…”

Candice:  “Yeh…”

Tegan:  “She’s just like Carla says – all feral…”

Candice:  “Yeh, I…”

Tegan:  “She didn’t bite you did she?!”


Tegan:  “Coz if she did you’d like so have to get a jab…”

Candice“Well, she…”

Tegan:  “Coz Carla said that when she kissed Rob Cartwright upstairs in The Tiger Lounge on the High Street she was foamin’ at the mouth!”

Candice:  “No, she…”

Tegan:  “Though afterwards Carla said it could have been like her love spit – or a cocktail shot – or a trick of the new lights…”

Candice:  “No… she left!”

Tegan:  “That’s what Carla said…  Rob Cartwright was like so embarrassed bein’ seen kissin’ her that he…”

Candice“No… when I said I’d slap her…”

Tegan:  “What you didn’t!”

Candice:  “No… she left!”

Tegan:  “Oh… right…”

Candice:  “Yeh…”

Tegan:  “Oh…”

Candice:  “Yeh…”

Tegan:  “ Oh… I bet though when she left the bitch was like so brickin’ it!  I bet she looked like – all feral then!  If she’d turned round she was probably foamin’ at the mouth too!!”

Candice:  “Yeh!!!  Bitch!”

Tegan:  “Bitch!”



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